KIDNEy

So, after a week (+) of fucking around... I actually am down to work.

It took a long time to get to this point of actually being able to focus...but hey, I am here again. Today was very productive and relaxing. I am impressed! Seriously. I stayed up relatively late last night (til 11:30) to write out a schedule for myself to follow. I can whole-heartedly say that I have stuck to that regiment rather religiously (aside from a few tasks...but, rest assured...those will be fit in later ; )...

Life is kinda strange. As Remo told me...all things will be taken care of so long as you remain positive...this is true. I feel like I am progressing...but, there is no monetary rewards. My identity was stolen yesterday. Bank accounts frozen. And I should be stressing...but, I am not. I don't want hand-outs. I am too proud for that shit. I am ready for shit to just fall in place. Sacrifice after sacrifice with no endgame. The times will change. I want to make $2000/week or more from now until the end of the year. I love my job. I love the direction my company is moving. I am excited to guest speak. All is well.

I have two feet, functioning organs, a decent mug, a smile and positivity on my side. There is nothing more that I can ask for...aside from some reputable success. FUCK.

I would say that my greatest challenge in LA is the fact that nobody takes my creds seriously. Even Julian didn't believe that I was decent at marketing until I had to, "break it down for him." BOGUS. But, whatever. Its to my advantage. Adversities generally turn out to be an individual's greatest advantages.

Cindy, my client is a ray of sunshine. It feels weird to say this...but she feels more like a mom than my own ever has. I know that the relationship I have with her is a totally professional one...But, she is for sure one of the only reasons I will ever wake up at such an un-Godly hour for. I am so lucky to have such a beautiful, inspiring person in my life. This is most defiantly the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

My mom is in town this week. She is a sweetheart. I have been having some major problems with not being a total bitch to my brother. He is SO NEEDY its completely out of hand. He still has some serious growing up to do. Everyone feels sympathy for him (rightfully so). But, there are people that are diagnosed with terminal diseases that are in much better spirits than hims. It is rather discouraging that he is SO NEGATIVE all the time. My parents totally accommodate him (what's new). All I hear about is whats going on with Rick...Rarely am I asked what's new with me. I hate being jealous, which I am. But, its not the most unreasonable request to have one's parents care about all children equally.

My mom being here has made me realize how fucked up I actually still am. Before, the distance between my parents and I seemed very healthy. Although, they never really made attempts to see or call me I was seemingly fine with that...because I isolated myself from the rest of my immediate family. Now that my mom is staying with me and spending quality time with both my brother and sister...though, not including yours truly in anything. Not that this is something new---It still bothers me. It sucks having a parent that doesn't love you as much as the rest of your siblings. I cannot begin to describe the feeling that it gives a person. For christ's sake...she wouldn't even sign parental permission forms for me in junior high or high school. One time after tennis, in my sophomore year...I thought I broke my arm. Totally conveyed this to my mother and she showed up 2 hours after my bus arrived back at my high school that evening. Her nor my father ever showed up for one tennis match in 4 years...and they picked me up about a total of 7 times out of (75 practices/season x 4 seasons)= 300 opportunities. Not very good odds. I guess I am still bitter? But, thats what I went to therapy for...perhaps its time I go back? Or maybe just flea the country totally anonymously.

My friends mean everything to me. More so than my family. I need to see them soon....Otherwise I may just go crazy.

Chicago is home...always. Though, I will never live there again...Its ok. The people are what makes it so awesome...and their character and spirit will never leave me.