architecture of existence

After much drama and FB stalking, I have decided to delete my Facebook. Now, as a FB addict, this is a huge step. I found myself relishing in stupid shit and talking to people that were thousands of miles away who, I wasn't even friends with when I lived in the same town as them. Therefore, I concluded that it would be in my best interest to delete this time-sucking entity of my life. Also, in an effort for some spring cleaning--I proceeded to change my phone number as well.

It feels good. Kept felt myself sliding down the slippery slope of talking to my ex-boyfriend. He is still crazy and unstable. Although, a very loving person, it just was not in my best interest (because it made me sad) to hold conversations with him. Imagine being in the desert, thirsty and having water in your hand. But, you couldn't lift your arm high enough to take a drink. So frustrating having something that you want so bad, but it can never be yours and its totally out of your control. I have nothing bad to say about him, other than he is my weakness. Its strange having dated a workaholic. I never necessarily had a fear that he was seeing other girls when he would DISAPPEAR FOR DAYS...He would be locked up in his house working. Also, I felt this strange guilt when I would distract him from work. Like it was taking away from what he wanted to be doing by hanging out with me. Not a good way to feel about someone you care about.

I take solace in the fact that I am an awesome, thoughtful girlfriend--And I am ready to engage in a relationship, with someone. I have a very strong feeling that by deleting my ex, I'll be able to let a new person into my life--Someone even better. Granted, he was a very kind and loving person and I felt a very strong connection with him. Like in Avatar where their tales connected and they felt this bond--Kind of like that. But, you can't force someone to love you, call you back, or actively participate in a relationship. He choose work over me, and he knows best. If that is what should be most important in his life at this moment in time, I trust his judgment. It makes me kind of sad to move on, but its necessary. I cannot continue relishing in something that maybe over what is. If its meant to be it will happen, but I know for sure it won't happen anytime soon. So, I'm letting him go. If he comes back at some point in the future, who knows. If not, it wasn't supposed to happen anyway. Believe in the holy contour, baby.

I think life is getting better though, infact I know life is getting better. I am becoming increasingly stronger, stable and consistent. I like it, this is what success is rooted in. :)

Hoping to travel all over the world this year, I really miss Meg, my best friend. She is in South Korea--I really need to pay her a visit. Putting it out into the universe, hoping to get some positive feedback. Once again I am at the point where I have no idea what is happening, but I know its almost spring. The sun is going to be shining more, the days are growing longer and surf season starts soon. I am ready for whatever the future holds, which promises to be all positives.

My life is full of love--Even if it isn't from the man I thought I was in love with. I have beautiful friends and family. Overall, I really cannot complain about a damn thing. I am truly blessed. Or as a good friend put it, I have a helluva lot of magic dust. Whatever it is, I really hope the best of our todays is the worst of our tomorrows.

Cheers to you new friends, old friends and every individual in-between. Life is good, never forget it.