Hey babe, take a walk on the wildside.

The lessons we all have to learn. Sometimes life has to give you a little smack on the ass. Loving and painful all at the same time.

I think its safe to write off this person who I thought was my soul-mate. Short-lived, indeed. This past week I have been so swept up in emotion. Feeling again--how strange. Even if this fantasy relationship didn't pan out I realized how much I would really like to have a cool dude in my life. I was really content with being single up until this big self-created mess entered my life. It would be beautiful to have a human I could fuck on a regular basis, and be able to just chill with and get some work done next to. I realized how much I missed having a partner in crime. Someone to relate to, and feel a connection with. Thinking I would get a helluva lot more work done as well.

I have my little hobbies and stuff I am doing...By the way, the smile book is coming along quite nicely. Just having some trouble translating what I want to say from thoughts into words. This is quite out of character. Really enjoying the creation process and feeling really empowered finally doing something that I love. Plus, I am working with a super talented, and beautiful person. I couldn't be luckier. Starting this book in full-force is a direct result of my ill-fated love adventure. Suppose I should not be so bitter about it--Especially depending on the wide-spread success of the smile therapy book.

Reading a lot about zen, meditation and such spiritual things. I even attended church last Sunday. Really reaching out for some divine guidance. For some reason I feel that tomorrow will end up being a quite an exciting day. Also, I have a very strong feeling about Friday. I think a miracle is going to happen in my life on Friday.

Back to the love scenario: I created the whole thing in my head. Remembering the reality of situations versus the fantasy you create is really important. Its good to be a dreamer--So, long as one foot is still rooted in reality. Its still unclear why I had this weird one-week love thing happen to me. Other than starting on my book, it also made me realize that there are awesome guys out there in the world. I can have whatever I want...He may have possessed all the positive attributes that I wanted...But, also had a laundry list of negatives that I didn't specify. Learned a lesson in detail. Fabio used to always tell me that--God is a God of detail. Point taken.