Monday, December 14, 2009

CCR

Life is random. Woke up to some pretty fucked up dreams and a headache. I attribute it to multi-dimensional travel. Every Sunday night since I moved to Hollywood I have been plagued with night terrors. Only on Sundays though. Its kinda fucked up.

Rick, my brother is being an asshole because I would not conduct a drug deal for him. Glad he's gained perspective since receiving a kidney. Some people just do not get it. I am not going to let his bad energy rain on my parade.

Also, came to terms with my neighbor. Was convinced that he would be capiable of evolving--Seemed he wanted the progress. Nobody is irreplaceable--I learned, grew. Seeing my roomate being so consumed in her relationship with her boyfriend makes me kind of sick. I don't really remember what it feels like to have such passion towards another human being. Its such an emotional process--Too heavy. I do not choose that right now. Really quite happy where I am at--I have my own identity, my own life, my own friends. So important....I have too much love to limit it to one person. The person I do choose will recognize this and let me be free. By virtue, I will give myself to them. For some reason I keep thinking about Ryan Blake. He encouraged me to be myself--From a place of love. Wow, I fucked that one up--He needed get a taste of life. Him, or someone like him is out there...Just have to keep being myself and eventually we will cross paths. Until then, homegirl has to just keep on keeping on...Afterall, that's all I can do. :)

Have a feeling this week is going to be way different than anticipated. Hope I end up on a tropical island or ski resort...We shall see....

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