Clarity.

As the previous post states...Yesterday I was running around getting beer for ungrateful bastards when all of a sudden I had this moment of clarity. It was the coalescence of everything that I have consciously chosen to be thrust upon me. I hated my life. Then I felt this overwhelming feeling of all control being lost.

I had an interview at Fox Networks yesterday morning...and tried...but, didn't really try. The shitty, stuffy, slacks wearing, cubicle-ridden atmosphere was a wonderful reminder of what I didn't want to be doing with my life. A job that most young media pups like myself would kill for...and here I am not really feeling it.

So now what?

I hate the career path that I had "chosen" and I hate waiting tables. My schedule was cut down to 3 days/week. Which is cool...but I am in love with having a fat savings account. I feel this weight on my chest. A weight I haven't felt in months. "Fuck, what do I do?"

At this precise moment in time I have a revelation, the exact revelation that I was banking on happening given my strategic situation: FUCK THIS.

I realize that the entry level job I will inevitably hate (creating excel spreadsheets, making powerpoints, etc.) along with being a server isn't the end all of my life. Its actually shit I hate doing...So, given my work ethic, persistence, network and passion...why am I doing this? Why am I hating my life for a shitty job? Who says I have to start at the bottom? Society? Who says I need to work for a big company or have an MBA to become "someone." Fuck that noise. I am someone...I am Katie FUCKING N..." (if you personally know me...you'll know that).

So, my plan worked. Placing myself in an absolutely SHIT PLACE with no options out has forced me to gain this desire to succeed on my own. I've got world's balls in my hands as we speak. And do you know why? Because I think so. And as simple as it is...that is all it takes.

What is reality anyway? Whatever the fuck you want it to be...that's what.

And so my next chapter begins.