DELETED FB

After much drama and FB stalking, I have decided to delete my Facebook. Now, as a FB addict, this is a huge step. I found myself relishing in stupid shit and talking to people that were thousands of miles away who, I wasn't even friends with when I lived in the same town as them. Therefore, I concluded that it would be in my best interest to delete this time-sucking entity of my life. Also, in an effort for some spring cleaning--I proceeded to change my phone number as well.

It feels good. Kept felt myself sliding down the slippery slope of talking to my ex-boyfriend. He is still crazy and unstable. Although, a very loving person, it just was not in my best interest (because it made me sad) to hold conversations with him. Imagine being in the desert, thirsty and having water in your hand. But, you couldn't lift your arm high enough to take a drink. So frustrating having something that you want so bad, but it can never be yours and its totally out of your control. I have nothing bad to say about him, other than he is my weakness. Its strange having dated a workaholic. I never necessarily had a fear that he was seeing other girls when he would DISAPPEAR FOR DAYS...He would be locked up in his house working. Also, I felt this strange guilt when I would distract him from work. Like it was taking away from what he wanted to be doing by hanging out with me. Not a good way to feel about someone you care about.

I take solace in the fact that I am an awesome, thoughtful girlfriend--And I am ready to engage in a relationship, with someone. I have a very strong feeling that by deleting my ex, I'll be able to let a new person into my life--Someone even better. Granted, he was a very kind and loving person and I felt a very strong connection with him. Like in Avatar where their tales connected and they felt this bond--Kind of like that. But, you can't force someone to love you, call you back, or actively participate in a relationship. He choose work over me, and he knows best. If that is what should be most important in his life at this moment in time, I trust his judgment. It makes me kind of sad to move on, but its necessary. I cannot continue relishing in something that maybe over what is. If its meant to be it will happen, but I know for sure it won't happen anytime soon. So, I'm letting him go. If he comes back at some point in the future, who knows. If not, it wasn't supposed to happen anyway. Believe in the holy contour, baby.

I think life is getting better though, infact I know life is getting better. I am becoming increasingly stronger, stable and consistent. I like it, this is what success is rooted in. :)

Hoping to travel all over the world this year, I really miss Meg, my best friend. She is in South Korea--I really need to pay her a visit. Putting it out into the universe, hoping to get some positive feedback. Once again I am at the point where I have no idea what is happening, but I know its almost spring. The sun is going to be shining more, the days are growing longer and surf season starts soon. I am ready for whatever the future holds, which promises to be all positives.

My life is full of love--Even if it isn't from the man I thought I was in love with. I have beautiful friends and family. Overall, I really cannot complain about a damn thing. I am truly blessed. Or as a good friend put it, I have a helluva lot of magic dust. Whatever it is, I really hope the best of our todays is the worst of our tomorrows.

Cheers to you new friends, old friends and every individual in-between. Life is good, never forget it.

korea.

150th Post, hell yeah.

Not sure if a week of disappointment begets more disappointment...but, this week holds to be true to that methodology.

STRUNG OUT.

Getting so much shit done, have totally eliminated the conscious thought process. Productivity is programmed--Lets see how long this can last before I burn out!

Its 10pm and I am spent--Did I just turn old?

ELIMINATE THE NEGATIVE.

Feeling like I am transcending into a new phase. I don't really know what this phase is, or where it will take me but there has been a shift.

Everything that is a bad influence, has been deleted. Its a great feeling.

Excited for the moment where I never have to wear clothes again.

best.image.ever.

Fuck yeah!

A day full of Tupac, Jay-Z, and Biggie. Read Machiavelli and Rich Dad Poor Dad. Even broke out the giant pad of paper for plotting and scheming. Fuck the glass ceiling, I got this shit.

Think I am putting off some crazy vibe. I don't want to be tempted by boys anymore as to take over the world. As a result, the boys are going crazy for me. Its funny. They are all dreamy in their respective rights. Feast or famine!!!

Boys are my kryptonite, must stay away from them! Also, having a hard time focusing on work. Have been so tired lately. Maybe its because I am anemic? haha....Just realized that this often happens to me...where I feel really shitty. Its because my iron is low! You'd think after years of a repetitive cycle, I'd learn. No such luck!

Business cards are done. Book is almost done, just need some edits and design council. Not bad. 2010 is going to kick ass. Well, I hate having high expectations. But, thus far (all things considered) I am the luckiest girl in the world!! :D

Stronger than I once thought. Over my neighbor, entirely. Had to re-program my thought process about him, and it worked. Learned you shouldn't date a mentally unstable psychopath. Think it was my karma for what I put Dan through. God, I was selfish.

Tried my best with this relationship. Therefore, I have nothing to regret and nothing to be sad about. The grieving process lasted about 2 days, not bad. Back to happy.

Lesson: Create something for yourself. Do not look outside yourself for happiness. Always try your best--And if your best isn't good enough, let it go. Everything is in your head. If you created an idea of love, you can destroy it. Get rid of anything that holds you back or isn't congruent to self--Its like a cancer. You have power over the choices you make--That includes how you feel about people. Take into account the reality of your situation. Only mutual beneficial relationships work--If you are giving more than you are giving, get out.

I really need to focus on myself, progressing, evolving and reaching my goals. This kid was a giant distraction. Glad I took the risk though--Don't regret anything I said or did. Onward Ho!