What a weird week. Feels like I have been in some sort of a microcosum since leaving for Atlanta a few weeks ago. I conceit to the fact that I have no fucking clue what's going on or what life holds. Its so exciting, the good and the bad. For some reason, I am in this crazy mental state where I refuse to allow negative energy into my reality. I am perceiving all situations as being a positive. The power of human thought is amazing. Being in control of your thoughts and your body (hence my obsession with fitness/nutrition) is the only thing you have control of. Its really interesting, once you are in contorl of what you think, you can also develop the power to manifest anything that you wish. Its a phenominal feeling to be on top of my shit in this snowflake of perfectly organized chaos.

I want to stay suspended in the moment. All is well, nothing too heavy.

My brother gets a kidney transplant this week, am stoked for him. I am also very happy for my brother who is donating a kidney. Hope this gives him some purpose. Overall, a very postitive experience for all. :) Although, I am really quite stressed because ALL MY FAMILY will be in town...Think that this is going to be good. Really have to stop freaking out and thinking its going to be a negative that my parents are in town. As I have learned, I cannot predict the future. Maybe something really great is going to come out of them being here...Afterall, my life is the shit because I choose it to be that way.

Things with my neighbor are going much better than anticipated. He is a great person, regardless of all the initial struggle. Whatever happens, I am learning a lot about myself through this experience and hopefully he is as well. I'm happy, having him in my life makes me smile. Whatever comes of it will come. For now, the moment is rather joyus and beautiful.

The past week I have had a renessance of creativity and the thirst to learn. I want to lock myself away and just absorb. Have some kate time, write, read and discuss. Hollywood is fun and all...I've had an experience that I would not change for the world. Though, I am ready to apply myself. The difference between this time and the last is that I have learned how to enjoy myself. I want to continue to be happy, and keep on keeping on. Was driving in my car the other day spacing out and realized that I have lived more life in 23 years than most people in their 60's. It was this weird feeling like...Now what? Finally reached this stage of self-actualization. I have all my needs met--So, I can finally offer myself up to others. FINALLY. It has been a long, endearing road to get to the point I have just reached. Focus and hard work paying off...Now, to stay suspended...

For the first time after coming home from Denver...LA feels like home. Never thought I would say that...I'm happy. It took a long time to acclaimate and create a network from scratch. Things are starting to feel like they are falling in place. Blind faith forged the road I am on, and I couldn't be happier. Giving up control and just letting life happen is the best decision I've ever made.

Oh, just registered for a 10 day meditation over Christmas. I'm on a long waiting list but, have faith that it will work out... 10 days in silent meditation sounds like the best way to spend the holidays given my passionate hatred for them. Will keep you posted if it happens or not...