VICTOM OF LA

Damn. Today I was sitting at this joint off La Cienega and Santa Monica called, "Mexico." Its a gay/lesbian (please do not make assumptions) bar/restaurant. Had some amazing free-range chicken mole...Which, really pleased me. :)

I was hanging out with my roomie, Anna--One of her toys, and her former best friend. She's a sweetheart, seriously. One of the most kind-hearted people that I have ever had the great pleasure of meeting. At times, I feel like she is fearful of being her sweet self...As some sort of defense mechanism. Not really sure what that feeling is rooted in for her. Though, I can definetly sense that the edge that she has is either ego or fear.

Enough psychoanalysis. We were at dinner with this rather ginererly group of young folk. We had lots of conversation about fake tits, sex stories, relationship stories and lots of shittalk. I guess it was two friends re-uniting after a long time apart. As a result, there was ample rather loose conversation. I am always a fan of this--Perhaps I was just disinterested or in some deep mood this evening. Whatever the case may have been---The entire scenario was rather disenchanting. I felt bored, drifting and I would as far to even say, at points, lifeless in this dull exhcange of bullshit.

Could have it just been the crowd? Well, not really. Anna is a pretty smart girl. She can hold her own in intelligent conversation, as could the two others. So, the only thing that I can attribute such metaphoric vomit on is Los Angeles. Now, there are a couple of people who have legit conversations with me. Most are in private. Though, whenever thrust into a social atmosphere the pools have been drained. All we are left with is this shallow, catty shit-talk. Also, please note that I have acted with the foresight to understand that differnt strata exist. I have talked with the top of society down to the lowest tiers of the social latter. All have proven to be victom of this plague of LA.

Stay on course--You are the architect.

This weekend has been great. Went into it with some interesting vibes--Had a few bad dreams and what-not on Friday. Think that I have gained great clarity and resolution. In all honesty, I think yoga has helped me a lot. I can see why the practice has such a cult-like following. Also, its re-shaping my body, hardcore. Still lifting weights for my ass' sake. Oh, the beauty of human potential.

I think its really important to have an intention statement for the week. Stay on course--You are the architect. Its funny...Was thinking about how little things add up into big things. That's what life is--A series of decisions, and their consequences. Freedom of choice and accountability. Its heavy to look yourself in the mirror and acknowledge that you are the one that created your experience--Especially, if it is an experience that you aren't happy with.

Almost forgot how much I love Zombies and Robots.

http://www.myspace.com/zombiesorganize

It feels like its going to Halloween soon. I like it, a lot. :D

What a weird month. The past four weeks made me realize that I have control over nothing but my own attitude. Happy that I am finally stacking cash, learning Spanish, taking yoga religiously and studying for the GRE's. Went to CHI and NYC. Got a bit too involved with things outside of what should be important to me at this point. Its weird. I generally never exercise foresight nor restraint. You'll always hear me preaching about listening to your gut instinct--For once, I did. Have come to terms with my own materialism--Which, isn't bad because I want to earn it. Have looked to hardwork to carry me through. Finally, after hustling for years, I am starting to see some of my work paying off.

Yesterday, I was driving through Studio City. I passed a red Ferarri and my heart melted. Can't wait for my own. Had this grand realization that I am Katie Mother Fucking N. I am a crazy bitch that people love. I lost this fearlessness to be myself by thinking I had to be someone else in order to reach success. The times I have been most successful I was just being me. I attracted the right people in my life. Doors instantly opened up. Most importantly, I was happy. I finally feel secure enough again to be me. It takes a lot of courage to be yourself.

This punker gets on a bus and takes a seat. His hair's all green, he's got brightly colored tattoos covering his arms and piercings all over his face. Feathers hang from each earlobe. Across the aisle sits an old man who proceeds to stare at him for the next fifteen miles. Eventually the punker gets pretty unnerved and blurts out: "hey man, didn't you do anything crazy when you were young?" Without missing a beat, the old man replies: "Yeah when I was in the Navy, I got drunk one night in Singapore and had sex with a Bird of Paradise, I was just wondering if you were my son."

Had no wireless or time this week. Hope this paragraph made up for it.