David Paul Larson is a wonderful photographer and friend. The photo shoot went beautifully. He is simply amazing. Very professional, supportive and encouraging. I highly recommend him to everyone.
I'll post pictures of last night's shoot soon.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
And I Digress...
Done with school. I had some high expectations...of what I don't know. The Chinese always joke about Americans...They say we are always shooting...but never aim. If the shoe fits.
Today was my last day of training at Fado, the Irish pub that I work at as a cocktail waitress. The money is good. The people are friendly. I suppose it isn't too bad of a place to work at.
I start working at Hooters again tomorrow. FUCK. I never imagined myself slipping on the orange shorts again. It is quite strange. My parents both encourage my re-employment venture. I find this to be a strange twist. Its 223 AM on a Tuesday. I have work in exactly 8 hours...not including sleep time, buying shoes and prep.
I believe that today is truly a new turning point in my life. Later on this evening I am getting photos taken for my modeling portfolio. I think that its official: I am selling out into my looks. I think that my physical appearance is just the karma for my mom being so terror able when I was younger. Although, when I was a young pup my momma and I had some beef...I did earn her genetics. I am lucky that I am alive today after the shit I've gone through. Interesting how things work out. So, I feel it is my purpose to use the tools I have earned. It has been made very clear to me that my brain is not nearly as valuable as my outside appearance. Sad...but true. Therefore, I just have to roll with it. And tomorrow kicks this new ideological thought process off. I want to ride this wave and see where it takes me. Afterall, there is no wrong way to live life. The world is my oyster...and this bitch is hungry.
Sleep Deprivation. Physical Exhaustion. I Collapse.
Today was my last day of training at Fado, the Irish pub that I work at as a cocktail waitress. The money is good. The people are friendly. I suppose it isn't too bad of a place to work at.
I start working at Hooters again tomorrow. FUCK. I never imagined myself slipping on the orange shorts again. It is quite strange. My parents both encourage my re-employment venture. I find this to be a strange twist. Its 223 AM on a Tuesday. I have work in exactly 8 hours...not including sleep time, buying shoes and prep.
I believe that today is truly a new turning point in my life. Later on this evening I am getting photos taken for my modeling portfolio. I think that its official: I am selling out into my looks. I think that my physical appearance is just the karma for my mom being so terror able when I was younger. Although, when I was a young pup my momma and I had some beef...I did earn her genetics. I am lucky that I am alive today after the shit I've gone through. Interesting how things work out. So, I feel it is my purpose to use the tools I have earned. It has been made very clear to me that my brain is not nearly as valuable as my outside appearance. Sad...but true. Therefore, I just have to roll with it. And tomorrow kicks this new ideological thought process off. I want to ride this wave and see where it takes me. Afterall, there is no wrong way to live life. The world is my oyster...and this bitch is hungry.
Sleep Deprivation. Physical Exhaustion. I Collapse.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
A Month Long Since Past...
The overwhelming feeling of emptiness is one that I know better than myself at times. It is all consuming. Not that the feeling is dependent on one person or thing...A multitude of variables go into my positive energy's demise.
80/20; 95/5; 99/1
The natural law of numbers--Equilibrium.
Effort exhorted into something that is causing more harm than good is completely unnecessary. There is no reason one should be so enthralled in such hasty acts of poor judgment. As a curious human being--we refuse to follow our innate sense of life direction sometimes. Though, if we act upon our natural reactions...life would seemingly be a lot simpler.
90 percent of the time we know the right answers within the first few seconds of seeing or experiencing something. Though, rational thought kicks in and essentially prolongs the process whose end result we have known from the start. Funny...isn't it?
Looking back on my life's biggest mistakes (or learning experiences as I prefer to call them) the scenario played out exactly how I felt it would. Whether it takes a couple days...or a couple of years how it ends is (most of the time) exactly as I predicted.**
As I sit here facing the inevitable..the only person I have to blame is myself. Having known the right answer all along and not have acted is a crime to oneself and the other parties affected (directly and indirectly).
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Any experience that provides a memory is one worth having (so I am told).
Life confuses the fuck out of me. Maybe I need to shut the brain off and turn the mind on.
**Indigogen
80/20; 95/5; 99/1
The natural law of numbers--Equilibrium.
Effort exhorted into something that is causing more harm than good is completely unnecessary. There is no reason one should be so enthralled in such hasty acts of poor judgment. As a curious human being--we refuse to follow our innate sense of life direction sometimes. Though, if we act upon our natural reactions...life would seemingly be a lot simpler.
90 percent of the time we know the right answers within the first few seconds of seeing or experiencing something. Though, rational thought kicks in and essentially prolongs the process whose end result we have known from the start. Funny...isn't it?
Looking back on my life's biggest mistakes (or learning experiences as I prefer to call them) the scenario played out exactly how I felt it would. Whether it takes a couple days...or a couple of years how it ends is (most of the time) exactly as I predicted.**
As I sit here facing the inevitable..the only person I have to blame is myself. Having known the right answer all along and not have acted is a crime to oneself and the other parties affected (directly and indirectly).
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Any experience that provides a memory is one worth having (so I am told).
Life confuses the fuck out of me. Maybe I need to shut the brain off and turn the mind on.
**Indigogen
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