Clueless.

Was at lucky strike tonight and nearly fell off the stool I was sitting on. Then I started laughing, hard. Then I started thinking about everything. Have been so in the zone of conceptually magnifying things/problems. Everyone is making up everything as they go along. Nobody has a clue, nothing is written on the wall. We are all equally confused. Some are better at bullshitting others that they know what's up. But really, how could they? Anything could happen at any possible time. If anyone tells you otherwise, they are lying.

By being open to opportunities and experiences think it is possible for someone to have less of a set course of existence? What is the point of living if you are moving to the beat of repetition? Maybe its just me. I don't understand. Guess just add that to the laundry list of things I have no clue about. As shitty as things can be, at least your life has the potential to change at any moment. In fact, it will. Change is the only constant. Well, so is time. But, living in the 3rd dimension, we have no firm understanding of the 4th dimension--time. We just make up that we understand how it works based on one fact--You cannot un-crack an egg. There is just so much out there that we don't know.

While at LACMA yesterday I was staring at a few Picasso paintings. He created something that nobody thought of before. A style unique to himself--That is what made him great. That is what makes all of us great--The unconventional. That is what makes great men great--innovation, creativity and the ability to ask the question, "why not?"

Ew,

Just got back from my sister's house. She was full of negative energy as was Remo. Is there anyway to give your soul a bath without having to attend church? In this weird mood after being in their dark cloud. I can't sit home alone anymore. I am in the middle of the 2nd largest city in the US and feel all alone. My mom wouldn't go to the art museum with me today because she had to get an oil change for my brother's car--Cool. WALLOWING IN MY OWN SELF-PITY.

Life is good, all things considered. Gotta stay positive.

I cannot stop listening to Biggie, Tupac, Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg and Jay Z. I am a woman possessed.

Thought I was going to end up somewhere tropical today. Guess I was wrong?

Admittedly, didn't exhurt much effort towards making this vision a reality. My plan lacked follow-through. Think this Christmas will turn out different than I initially planned. Well, I don' t have a plan. Has potential to go in a multitude of directions. Excited to see how it turns out.

Christmas is a really traumatic time for me. I tend to lose my mind. Repressed childhood memories...surfacing.

Got kicked out of church tonight, Christmas. Remo asked us to leave because I made kris (my sister) and emily (his niece) laugh. The priest looked like Dracula, couldn't help myself. Of course I would get kicked out of church on Christmas, why not?

Tomorrow will be a great day. Wishing you the same...

Hey kiddos,

Today was great--Got shit done. Feeling like I have become nocturnal. I kind of miss it--Most creative at night.

Anyway, it feels good to be on top of shit. Have some rough edits tomorrow for this little project I took on. Should work out swimmingly. Clean car. Clean hair. Clean laundry. Clean apartment. Christmas shopping done (except for one human).

Trying to wage a rap battle on my Facebook. Its going well so far. Think most posts will be made on Christmas when everybody is bored @ family parties. Stoked to see the outcome.

Its been a weird week. Deja vu, or do I say that a lot? Didn't try anything new today (other than maybe getting work done). haha... Will have to make up for it tomorrow. Excited to see what the day holds.

XO

Think it is only logical if I stop evaluating what I am feeling...Its kind of funny all the shit you tell yourself rather than acknowledging the reality of the situation. What is the reality of the situation?

All I know is that it is 73 degrees and sunny--I have nothing to complain about.