VICTOM OF LA

Damn. Today I was sitting at this joint off La Cienega and Santa Monica called, "Mexico." Its a gay/lesbian (please do not make assumptions) bar/restaurant. Had some amazing free-range chicken mole...Which, really pleased me. :)

I was hanging out with my roomie, Anna--One of her toys, and her former best friend. She's a sweetheart, seriously. One of the most kind-hearted people that I have ever had the great pleasure of meeting. At times, I feel like she is fearful of being her sweet self...As some sort of defense mechanism. Not really sure what that feeling is rooted in for her. Though, I can definetly sense that the edge that she has is either ego or fear.

Enough psychoanalysis. We were at dinner with this rather ginererly group of young folk. We had lots of conversation about fake tits, sex stories, relationship stories and lots of shittalk. I guess it was two friends re-uniting after a long time apart. As a result, there was ample rather loose conversation. I am always a fan of this--Perhaps I was just disinterested or in some deep mood this evening. Whatever the case may have been---The entire scenario was rather disenchanting. I felt bored, drifting and I would as far to even say, at points, lifeless in this dull exhcange of bullshit.

Could have it just been the crowd? Well, not really. Anna is a pretty smart girl. She can hold her own in intelligent conversation, as could the two others. So, the only thing that I can attribute such metaphoric vomit on is Los Angeles. Now, there are a couple of people who have legit conversations with me. Most are in private. Though, whenever thrust into a social atmosphere the pools have been drained. All we are left with is this shallow, catty shit-talk. Also, please note that I have acted with the foresight to understand that differnt strata exist. I have talked with the top of society down to the lowest tiers of the social latter. All have proven to be victom of this plague of LA.

Stay on course--You are the architect.

This weekend has been great. Went into it with some interesting vibes--Had a few bad dreams and what-not on Friday. Think that I have gained great clarity and resolution. In all honesty, I think yoga has helped me a lot. I can see why the practice has such a cult-like following. Also, its re-shaping my body, hardcore. Still lifting weights for my ass' sake. Oh, the beauty of human potential.

I think its really important to have an intention statement for the week. Stay on course--You are the architect. Its funny...Was thinking about how little things add up into big things. That's what life is--A series of decisions, and their consequences. Freedom of choice and accountability. Its heavy to look yourself in the mirror and acknowledge that you are the one that created your experience--Especially, if it is an experience that you aren't happy with.

Almost forgot how much I love Zombies and Robots.

http://www.myspace.com/zombiesorganize

It feels like its going to Halloween soon. I like it, a lot. :D

What a weird month. The past four weeks made me realize that I have control over nothing but my own attitude. Happy that I am finally stacking cash, learning Spanish, taking yoga religiously and studying for the GRE's. Went to CHI and NYC. Got a bit too involved with things outside of what should be important to me at this point. Its weird. I generally never exercise foresight nor restraint. You'll always hear me preaching about listening to your gut instinct--For once, I did. Have come to terms with my own materialism--Which, isn't bad because I want to earn it. Have looked to hardwork to carry me through. Finally, after hustling for years, I am starting to see some of my work paying off.

Yesterday, I was driving through Studio City. I passed a red Ferarri and my heart melted. Can't wait for my own. Had this grand realization that I am Katie Mother Fucking N. I am a crazy bitch that people love. I lost this fearlessness to be myself by thinking I had to be someone else in order to reach success. The times I have been most successful I was just being me. I attracted the right people in my life. Doors instantly opened up. Most importantly, I was happy. I finally feel secure enough again to be me. It takes a lot of courage to be yourself.

This punker gets on a bus and takes a seat. His hair's all green, he's got brightly colored tattoos covering his arms and piercings all over his face. Feathers hang from each earlobe. Across the aisle sits an old man who proceeds to stare at him for the next fifteen miles. Eventually the punker gets pretty unnerved and blurts out: "hey man, didn't you do anything crazy when you were young?" Without missing a beat, the old man replies: "Yeah when I was in the Navy, I got drunk one night in Singapore and had sex with a Bird of Paradise, I was just wondering if you were my son."

Had no wireless or time this week. Hope this paragraph made up for it.

I have nobody to play with.

Was super stoked when I woke up this morning, rightfully so. Today is my day off. :D I am kind of bored though. Starved for human interaction. Feeling like I need to be getting tipsy by a pool. Its really no fun being alone, sober and in a playful mood. I already finished everything on my list of things to do....Now I am lost. Its hot out. There is a shitload of traffic. I don't really feel like participating in consumerism. What is a girl to-do? I would usually beckon one of my hoes to hang out with. But, since I got rid of them all...I'm lost. Really. How fucked up am I?

Negligance

I really have to figure out how to mobilly upload pictures to this bitch. Really, the process of emailing, downloading, uploading is way too time consuming and exhaustive. I have some pictures to share as visuals for stories...bummer.

Got an interesting call from Kaptain this evening. He claims to have somehow become partners in the Jackson estate through some old court proceeding. "All I need is 10 million dollars." ...As do I. :D Meeting with him in the morning to go over the legallity of this MJ scenario. Kaptain told me that he trusts me and wants my help with running the MJ empire...Including all Michael's masters, wardrobe, etc. Worth checking out...But, what an unlikely path to head down? We'll see if it's legit. If I got to wear the original Thriller jacket, I'd be stoked. Anything beyond that may just blow my mind.

Yesterday I got called fat by a creepster. What is a creepster? Well, because I know you were thinking that anyway...A creepster is a creepy dude. What qualifies one as a creepster? To answer your question, a multitude of things. The particulars of this dude, whom I would consider to be a creepster, go as follows: Kept touching, feeling, groping, kissing and stroking me; bought me a toothbrush to keep at his place after a week of seeing him; would freak out on me for being un-affectionate; would get mad because I didn't want to sleep with him. Just a weirdo. Anyway, as a brutal (and successful) attack on my ego...He claims that I have "gained some weight" since we initially met. This is not only inaccurate, its fucked up that someone would actually personally attack me due to my weight. Its even worse, because I actually took his shit perspective into consideration and actually let it effect me. How dumb on my own accord.

Moving in with Anna and Maya shortly. Stoked. Getting a class set up for mom's mind and body. Think its a great step in the direction towards becoming a speaker. Registered for Spanish class. Prepping for the GRE's. Learning more about grad school in Spain. Took a keen liking to my "Internet boyfriend." Toastmasters starts this week. Been keeping up with writing and checking shit off my lists. Relationships with family members are solid. Might start working full-time at the charity I volunteer at, Project Angel Food. I am feeling like somewhat of an adult lately...Guess all this happened when I wasn't paying attention? Oh, ADHD.

Also, sometimes when I know that people read this (ex-boyfriends, boyfriends) it freaks me out. Almost like I should censor content. Upon further inspection, that is the worst idea ever...rather self-defeating. Sure they will get sick of slovenly sifting through the meandering conscious thought process that is this blog. Blog...what a shitty word.

Oh, and I had the most amazing idea today while watching television with my brother--He's like being around an old person. Or I guess that's what people do, right? They watch television? Regardless, the idea I had was to become a professional game-shower. Think I am going to start this conquest with "The Price is Right." All I have to say is, "$1."

And I digress. Tis time for sleep. Every time I sleep over at my brother's apartment I have some funky dreams. Not all are bad, but I've had some brutal nights here. Hoping to have a pretty rad lucid dream. Would love to fly, have sex, or do something that hasn't even been invented yet...like time travel or fully understanding hieroglyphics. Do you know that we are still working to understand hieroglyphics...crazy, right?

Anyway, I love you all...wishing you the world...sweet dreams.