Today has been really strange. Actually, this entire week has been really strange. Oh, October. I really love you. The cool wind makes LA feel like a real place.

I realize that I haven't written in quite a while--Its true. It is not that I haven't wanted to...Its more or less that I have had nothing to say. The past week has been really quite brutal for me. I have not been much fun. It seemed that life hit the doldrums. They happen--Its part of the ebb and flow. I have been working relentlessly, incessantly for what has seemed like nothing. This week has been really stressful for me. I ended Friday with somewhat of an emotional breakdown...Haven't had one of those in ages. Anyway, I found myself in this delirium of misery. I just found myself extremely lonely in conjunction with one of my worst weeks of work in ages.

I felt this separation from self. My soul was telling me that it needed a break--Some peace and quiet. So, I took the weekend off work and relaxed. It was just what the doctor ordered. As a result, I have had an absolutely beautiful weekend. Through a series of coincidence, I met my soul mate. He lives in my backyard. I make these false proclamations often...Being in love and such sorts. This time I would take it a step beyond...because its common knowledge that I fall in love with everyone. Think I found someone I would consider my equal...Both spiritually and physically...and it seems he lives in my backyard. Seriously, I couldn't have wrote a story better than this...That's how I know its true.

The Easterlies.

Oh man. Tonight was one of those nights that I will never forget. I am an avid supporter of the theory of thought regarding the possibility of possibilities. Tonight proved for this openness to show different paths that were not what I perceived to be a possibility until they happened.

My night ended on the top of Beverly Hills at someone I really admires estate. The view was magnificent. Second only to standing atop a hill in Swaziland, Africa. You felt like you were literally on top of the world. We also watched this show from 1995...Its called, "Absolutely Fabulous." Hilarious, seriously. I had an amazing time this evening.

After such a "high" I got a text message from work...For which I proceeded to negotiate a deal out of a shortcoming. The details are rather insignificant...But, I was really happy because in the end--I got what I wanted through persistence. :D

Right now, I am feeling great. In a bit of a state of confussion due to the strange turn of events..but, hey! Thats life!

VICTOM OF LA

Damn. Today I was sitting at this joint off La Cienega and Santa Monica called, "Mexico." Its a gay/lesbian (please do not make assumptions) bar/restaurant. Had some amazing free-range chicken mole...Which, really pleased me. :)

I was hanging out with my roomie, Anna--One of her toys, and her former best friend. She's a sweetheart, seriously. One of the most kind-hearted people that I have ever had the great pleasure of meeting. At times, I feel like she is fearful of being her sweet self...As some sort of defense mechanism. Not really sure what that feeling is rooted in for her. Though, I can definetly sense that the edge that she has is either ego or fear.

Enough psychoanalysis. We were at dinner with this rather ginererly group of young folk. We had lots of conversation about fake tits, sex stories, relationship stories and lots of shittalk. I guess it was two friends re-uniting after a long time apart. As a result, there was ample rather loose conversation. I am always a fan of this--Perhaps I was just disinterested or in some deep mood this evening. Whatever the case may have been---The entire scenario was rather disenchanting. I felt bored, drifting and I would as far to even say, at points, lifeless in this dull exhcange of bullshit.

Could have it just been the crowd? Well, not really. Anna is a pretty smart girl. She can hold her own in intelligent conversation, as could the two others. So, the only thing that I can attribute such metaphoric vomit on is Los Angeles. Now, there are a couple of people who have legit conversations with me. Most are in private. Though, whenever thrust into a social atmosphere the pools have been drained. All we are left with is this shallow, catty shit-talk. Also, please note that I have acted with the foresight to understand that differnt strata exist. I have talked with the top of society down to the lowest tiers of the social latter. All have proven to be victom of this plague of LA.

Stay on course--You are the architect.

This weekend has been great. Went into it with some interesting vibes--Had a few bad dreams and what-not on Friday. Think that I have gained great clarity and resolution. In all honesty, I think yoga has helped me a lot. I can see why the practice has such a cult-like following. Also, its re-shaping my body, hardcore. Still lifting weights for my ass' sake. Oh, the beauty of human potential.

I think its really important to have an intention statement for the week. Stay on course--You are the architect. Its funny...Was thinking about how little things add up into big things. That's what life is--A series of decisions, and their consequences. Freedom of choice and accountability. Its heavy to look yourself in the mirror and acknowledge that you are the one that created your experience--Especially, if it is an experience that you aren't happy with.

Almost forgot how much I love Zombies and Robots.

http://www.myspace.com/zombiesorganize

It feels like its going to Halloween soon. I like it, a lot. :D

What a weird month. The past four weeks made me realize that I have control over nothing but my own attitude. Happy that I am finally stacking cash, learning Spanish, taking yoga religiously and studying for the GRE's. Went to CHI and NYC. Got a bit too involved with things outside of what should be important to me at this point. Its weird. I generally never exercise foresight nor restraint. You'll always hear me preaching about listening to your gut instinct--For once, I did. Have come to terms with my own materialism--Which, isn't bad because I want to earn it. Have looked to hardwork to carry me through. Finally, after hustling for years, I am starting to see some of my work paying off.

Yesterday, I was driving through Studio City. I passed a red Ferarri and my heart melted. Can't wait for my own. Had this grand realization that I am Katie Mother Fucking N. I am a crazy bitch that people love. I lost this fearlessness to be myself by thinking I had to be someone else in order to reach success. The times I have been most successful I was just being me. I attracted the right people in my life. Doors instantly opened up. Most importantly, I was happy. I finally feel secure enough again to be me. It takes a lot of courage to be yourself.

This punker gets on a bus and takes a seat. His hair's all green, he's got brightly colored tattoos covering his arms and piercings all over his face. Feathers hang from each earlobe. Across the aisle sits an old man who proceeds to stare at him for the next fifteen miles. Eventually the punker gets pretty unnerved and blurts out: "hey man, didn't you do anything crazy when you were young?" Without missing a beat, the old man replies: "Yeah when I was in the Navy, I got drunk one night in Singapore and had sex with a Bird of Paradise, I was just wondering if you were my son."

Had no wireless or time this week. Hope this paragraph made up for it.